The essay below is one of the most rated pieces of writing,, now published here for the first time. It’s written from a female-submissive cisheteronormative standpoint, just as I was emerging from the LGBTQ closet, so I hope it’s translatable accross all genders and dynamics. The essay uses Scene terminology (s-type for submissive, bottom, masochist, receiver or ‘done-unto’ in a consensual power exchange arrangement, and D-type for the dominant, top, sadist, or ‘doer’ in a dynamic.
Online and in “Real Life” I come across sub after sub who has had nasty incidents in their pasts, ones in which a deviant, dominant predator has seized control, messed with their heads, and committed consent violation after consent violation. Before I begin, I’d also like to say that while “consent violation” is the term we use in the Scene for what I’m talking about, I think, like much of the Scene terminology, that it’s a problematic term, because too often it leads to a sub escaping or emerging from an abusive relationship dynamic saying something like “my consent was violated.” So while I will use the term consent violation, I prefer to use the term “psychosexual assault” or “sexual assault” depending on the circumstances (there are other less severe incidences which are more properly termed boundary violations). Make no bones about it: if you’ve been targeted by a predator intent on consent violation, your consent has been ignored. *You,* not some abstraction in terms of consent, have been violated. You’ve become the target of the assailant.
Secondly, while we talk about this all the time in D/S circles, I view the BDSM Scene as no more dangerous than any other alternative circle, including vanilla-land, because abuse thrives on silence, and predators work where their prey can be silenced. Predation is a feature of our dominant culture, not subcultures. This is why, I believe, so many s-type humans end up in abusive relationship dynamics before they awaken to their sexuality. In effect, they’ve already been in “vanilla” D/S relationships, one in which explicit, informed consent is never discussed. Many have already been targeted by the kind of dominant predator I’m about to discuss. When abused s-types then enter the Scene, they are the wounded antelopes of the herd. Predators are drawn to where there is prey. So if you find that over and over again your consent is ignored and you find yourself un unhealthy or abusive scenarios or relationships, this is probably the reason. At the end of this post I’ll place some resources. It goes without saying that whether in the Scene or out of it, awareness of the underlying anatomy of how abusers operate and how we inadvertently scent the water with our blood, will much to keep you safe in your future relationships and make sure the monsters of your past remain in your past and not an endless loop in your current life-story.
This grooming is a feature of nearly all abusive relationships—since what we’re talking about is the abuser (the consent violator) taking advantage of a skewed power dynamic. We talk about grooming the most with child sexual abuse, but I’ve seen it play out between adults. For example, the way cults groom and recruit their targets follows the same steps as the way an abuser selects their target for intimate partner abuse. The fictional (yet terrifyingly real) Christian Grey, for example, follows these exact steps with the hapless Anastasia, except that EL James romanticizes this and in doing so, “taught” many emerging subs who recognized their sexuality after reading the book that Christian’s behavior is what consensual erotic leadership—consensual dominance—is all about. One of the best breakdowns of this cult-leader/cult-target dynamic was done by the folks at Film Theory, and you find their analysis here. [1] Suffice to say that many s-types arrive in the Scene already primed and socially conditioned to read harmful, predatory and abusive behaviour as ‘normal’ or unable to distinguish it from real dominance.
So what are the stages of sexual abuse grooming?
The skewed power dynamic between a dominant abuser and a submissive target is similar to a child sex abuser and his victim, and so that’s the model I’m using here. That is not to say that s-types should be infantilised, but that in a D/S relationship the Dominant party wields great power of over the Submissive. This is the principle reason why I do not buy into the Gift of Submission theory which forms the basis of Scene propaganda when explaining BDSM to mainstreamers (this is the idea that the submissive has all the real power in the dynamic). To buy into it means we cannot keep ourselves safe. To keep ourselves safe, we must first recognise that a sexual dominant is given real power over a sexual submissive in an erotic context where the submissive has entered into their sphere of psychological control. One can enter that sphere consensually, or, as is most often the case with the abusive types, non-consensually, when the abuser starts to exercise subtle psychological control, turning the s-type’s psychosexuality against them (as we’ll see in the worked example below).
Psychologists have broken down sexual abuse grooming has six well-defined stages.[2]
Stage 1: Targeting the target
Stage 2: Gaining the target’s trust
Stage 3: Filling a need
Stage 4: Isolating the target
Stage 5: Sexualising the target or accelerating the sexual dynamic.
Stage 6: Maintaining control
However, it’s one thing to see a list of steps, and another to see it played out. Though scenarios vary, the underlying anatomy of grooming doesn’t change. I’m going to be looking at sexual abuse grooming in a D/s power dynamic, using the words of a predator. I’m going to say, with a voice drier than Ghandi’s sandal, that I’m assuming that the account I’m quoting from—found online on a BDSM community group discussion—-is fictional and satirical, given it was posted in a group set up to try and warn s-types how to spot abusers and differentiate them from real consensual dominance. It struck me as I read it I was looking at classic sexual abuse grooming, so it seemed as good an example as any.
Let’s take the first stage.
Selecting the target.
Here we have our fictional (dry sahara voice) abuser deliberately selecting those women whom he believes will be good targets. Now, it’s important to remember he’s also trying to imply that these s-type women somehow asked for it, that they deserved this behaviour and deserved to be ‘put in their place.’ The desire to lower another to establish one’s own ‘dominance’ is a feature of such individuals. So the opening paragraph is designed to gain the reader’s sympathy, because, you know, everyone hates a bitch. We’ll have to read between the lines to see what kind of target he’s going for.
Trust me, no one deserves this, no one ‘asks for this’ and ‘putting submissives in their place’ is not what consensual dominance is about. The (fictional, right?) abuser confesses:
There are times when a female has taken a liking to me, and I’m turned off by her behavior, whether she acts rudely, childishly, overly emotionally (tantrum level), confrontationally, or just plain meanly to others. In situations like this, I have been known to show excessive disinterest for highly extensive periods of time, including saying, “I’m not interested, please go away.” Sometimes, this makes her crave my attention even more, since she can’t have it. Then, I become forward and bluntly honest, but still polite. I get highly rude after this point, but very rarely, I decide to have sex with her instead; not for pleasure, or attraction, but because I really want to dominate someone, I don’t care who, and she has yet to leave me alone. When I select one of them to play the role I desire, my goal is to make her regret wanting me by showing her what I like, and thus, that I am definitely not her type.
Firstly, note the objectification and the dehumanization of his very first sentence. Female. Not woman. He selects someone who is emotionally vulnerable. She might have lashed out at him, or at her boyfriend or lover during a munch and stormed off, she might have got caught up in friendship or relationship drama. She might have reacted defensively to something the abuser or someone else has said, or been triggered during a discussion. DoucheDom has selected his target who is—by virtue of the drama or fight or argument—socially isolated, and vulnerable. He’s got his wounded antelope. He’s portrayed his victim here as someone who won’t leave him alone—this is dissembling, another very common trait with d-type predators displaying the dark triad of antisocial personality disorder, narcissism and Machiavellianism. “I was really the victim here! It was self-defence from this man-eating female.” (If the dark triad occurs together with sexual sadism then this is a very bad combination for the s-type target, as we’ll see as the scenario progresses.) In reality he’ll have situated himself in her orbit, ready to engage her. He has however, been honest about his goal: not to get the victim to believe she’s not his type, but to be able to non-consensually dominate the victim in such a way that she will be silenced in the process:
I get highly rude after this point, but very rarely, I decide to have sex with her instead; not for pleasure, or attraction, but **because I really want to dominate someone, I don’t care who,** and she has yet to leave me alone. **When I select one of them to play the role I desire, my goal is to make her regret wanting me by showing her what I like,** and thus, that I am definitely not her type.
Aside from pointing out the obvious that obtaining real consent is not what he’s about here, I’ve highlighted the true bits in this paragraph. The rest is dissembling, because that forms a technique called negging. Predators go one of two ways, in my experience. They are either excessively charming, or they go in for rudeness and negativity in order to draw an outraged s-type into a discussion or an argument. And the really skilled ones Jackyl-and-Hyde it by oscillating between the two, constantly keeping the target off-balance psychologically, going hand in hand with gaslighting[5] to make the target believe that her own perception and sanity is in doubt. For example, be rude in subtle or even overt manner, and when the target objects, flatly deny the insult and become excessively polite, showering her with attention, asking her if she feels okay. The target thinks “maybe I misunderstood or overreacted.” Remember how she’s been selected. She’s already exhausted, isolated, and emotionally vulnerable.
Negging] [6] — making negative comments or back-handed compliments or even outright insults is a manipulative pick-up artists technique and form of psychological manipulation, based on putting a woman ‘in her place’, especially on who thinks highly of herself or who—in the case of our Target in this scenario—has just asserted herself and become socially isolated in a Scene setting. And it works, unless you know the play. I cannot recommend enough BDSM Feminist Clarisse Thorn’s Confessions of a Pick-Up Artist Chaser: Long Interviews with Hideous Men that really breaks down this behaviour. Negging is most certainly the technique employed by our DoucheDom in this case, but remember that being excessively charming can also be a massive red flag.
The target, having been selected, and engaged is then ready for the next stage of grooming.
Stage 2: Gaining her trust.
Our completely fictional satirical DoucheDom writes:
I merely converse boredly and tell her things that make her become more and more interested in me, while asking many questions and saying certain things to get information. I get into her head, figure out various likes and dislikes, including sexual things then I start making her want me based on her information. Once she is interested enough in me, I start talking a little dirty with her, then start teasing her with what I’m saying. Once she’s worked up enough, I can usually just ask if she’d like to have sex and get a yes.
Here our groomer is being pretty frank with what he does, moving swiftly into the second stage. Gaining the target’s trust is all about information. Again, he’s still dissembling, so he’s saying he’s not a liar and not feigning much interest in her. This is a lie. What he’s doing is subtly drawing her out, making her fill silences, asking more and more pointed and refined questions about her personal (and since this is a BDSM Scene setting where people are much franker, sooner, about what turns them on in order to determine whether a prospective partner is ‘kink compatible’ than perhaps in a vanilla setting. It is also worth remembering that information gathering is also followed by predators operating in vanilla-land. His goal is to get his target into such a state where he can manipulate and coerce her into doing what HE wants, and will—and this is the important bit—sexually coerce her into doing these things while she is with his in the sex acts she *has* consented to. He’s found out what her tastes are, and is now on a mission to override her hard limits and get her to do what he wants. Gaining her trust via the information she gives him about herself, her family, and her preferences is crucial. In order to nominally consent to sex she has to believe they are compatible—has to trust him—to get her into a situation where he can coerce her further.
You can see the information gathering working to gain Ana’s trust in *Fifty Shades,* incidentally. Ana loves her stepfather, and so Christian knows that getting in his good books is all important to gaining his target’s trust. After all, a man her father trusts will be trusted by his victim. He finds out from Ana about Ray’s fishing hobby, and then disembles, feigning interest in fishing so that Ray considers Christian to have some sort of common bond. The reality is Christian couldn’t give a toss about fishing. He’s used information to gain trust.
In the case of the Scene scenario, the Abuser adapts his preferences to match the victim’s. Once he knows her likes and dislikes, he tailors his dirty-talk to her preferences, turning her on and making her believe that they’re compatible. They aren’t. This information gathering is done with the sole purpose of knowing enough about the victim to override her consent and her limits, and should be distinguished from actual consensual D/s negotiation where a Dom is trying to establish there his perspective sub’s limits and triggers are so that their play is consensual and healthy. How can we tell the difference? Because he’s combining the information gathering with dirty talk, rather than a frank and sober discussion over coffee. He’s been rude to her. He’s used manipulative techniques to get her spill more information than she normally would, such as negging or excessive charm, or a combination of the two. Once trust has been gained, he gets the yes to a sexual encounter, usually far sooner than is healthy. By now she’s perhaps also in a submissive headspace with him—and if you’re the sort of sub who slips into subby headspaces around dominants you don’t know well you need to guard yourself against slipping into dynamic before really getting to know someone. [8]
Stage 3: Fulfilling a need
Our groomer has the information he needs to fulfil his s-type targets erotic and relational needs. Since desire is really at the root of erotic vulnerability, knowing what her desires are enables him to fulfil her needs superficially with his ultimate goal or agenda in mind—which is to break her, smash her limits and do what he wants regardless of her actual desires. Need-fulfilment can involve love-bombs of attention and gifts, but it can also involve fulfillment of erotic need.
Here is where, in D/S relationships it gets really twisted, for a sexual submissive has a deep and profound need to erotically follow her partner’s lead. It is a need as much as a gift, to the extent that submissive sexuality is so inherently receptive that out of her need to please her Dominant, she will supply his needs or wishes. It doesn’t take a genius to see how important explicit consent is for any D/S activity or relationship. But DoucheDom here doesn’t care about that. He means to turn her psychosexuality against her for his end purpose, not his partner’s sexual joy or fulfilment. Worse still, because he’s using her sexuality against her, he knows that she is most likely going to blame herself for what he’s about to do to her, and the shame will keep her silent, because her erotic needs have made her complicit in her own abuse. This is vital for maintaining control, a later stage.
Look at how our Completely Fictional Abuser does it in his little confession:
As it progresses I become very dominant, but also cruel. I start off lightly, and keep my actions limited only to what she wants and to what we actually have in common, then it gets more intense with time until she reaches a state of emotionally numb bliss, then I take advantage of that bliss, and everything becomes about getting what I want out of her. I start mixing what I want into what she wants, while still putting her deeper and deeper into that blissfully numb state, until she’s doing things she never expected to do, and is in too much bliss to care. From there, I start to really fuck with her mind, causing the signals to get confused by doing things I know she doesn’t like in a way I know she’ll enjoy. Typically, I start sexually humiliating her at this point as well; subtly at first, but more intensely as I continue to proceed.
We see him using the information and the trust he’s gained to get her into a sexually submissive encounter in which her sexuality is fully in play. She’s in those subby headspaces, even in subspace itself, in order to push and override her limits. This is the classic frog in boiling water scenario, DoucheDom turns up the psychological pressure on the submissive and while in the altered state of subspace gets her to “consent” to activities he knows are hard limits. Ethical dominants never negotiate or change the goal posts mid-Scene or encounter. Affirmative consent can only be obtained with a clear head. But DoucheDom here doesn’t give a shit about consent, he’s after the override switch. He also moves into devaluation play—degradation and humiliation. As we know this is an especially powerful flavour of D/S play that taps psychologically into some very dark places.
Stage 4: Isolation
Of course targets are selected because they are isolated in the first place or likely not to garner much sympathy. He chose the “brat” who needed to be put in her place, the “feminist” who stood up for someone and anyone folks in the process, the girl who was in tears because of relationship drama. So from the start of this, his target has been isolated. But the process of working her sexuality against her also brings shame into play. Shame makes us less able to speak out, call that safeword, or seek help. He’ll imply that use of a safeword means she’s “failed” in submission. He may even start rumors or drama to isolate his target or monopolize a new submissive so that she doesn’t make friends or contacts with anyone else. Once isolated from our friends, mentors, and community (if we ever had one), the stage is set for the next level.
Stage 5 Sexual Acceleration.
He’s turning up the pressure, smashing through those limits long before tehy even know each other as a couple. This is not normal and is a feature of every abusive relationship ever, kinky or vanilla.
Once I’ve done all this, I let things get a bit dark. I slowly start throwing in more things I enjoy that she dislikes, while barely doing as she wants until I am doing as I please and she’s unable to say stop without losing the bliss. Once I can tell she is struggling not to say stop, I keep making it harder for her by giving her just enough small doses of things she highly enjoys right when she’s about to, until they can physically take no more, or I have had my fun, whether that involves orgasm (which I typically use for humiliation in some way) or just getting bored after a while and purposefully overdoing it, forcing them to tell me to stop.
Only “a bit dark”? Minimisation—another trait of the abuse. Everything he does from this point in is done it when she’s already in an altered state. There is no difference between what this chap does (completely fictional of course, it’s all satirical, right?) and dropping a roofie into someone’s drink. The powerful headspaces and physical biochemistry brought on by intense D/S play are just as powerful a drug as anything the pushers push. And that this why ethical Doms wait until their Sub is down out of subspace before suggesting new activities: because you can’t meaningful consent in such a state. This is where his activities have just (of course it’s fictional right?) moved into sexual assault. Worse still, she’ll believe she asked for it, believe she wanted it, believe she deserved it. And unless she has someone break it down for her and tell her this isnt her fault, she’ll believe this for the rest of her life. Because he’s groomed her. In short, he’s turned her sexuality against her will.
And you’ve been abused and unable to call a halt or get out of the situation it’s because we’re at:
Stage 6—Maintaining Control
Once all is said and done, I am still uninterested, just as before, and I don’t pretend otherwise. In the end, my goal is to have given her some of the best sex she’s ever had while also being allowed to cross every line until I’ve left her feeling used, ashamed, and maybe even guilty, in hopes that they will finally leave me be. I’ve done this a few times, and I find that I don’t often have to be rude to those I’ve taken this path with as they tend to feel too awkward about the situation to speak with me much about anything.
Note here the lack of aftercare. Tossing the target aside like she’s a used tissue, her objectification complete. And the dissembling of “I hope they will leave me alone after this” (I’m really the victim here! She asked for it!). Don’t believe it for a second. There’s only one predator in this scenario. The isolation comes because shame, devaluation, and desire have been used in such a way to make sure the victim is effectively silenced, that no one will believe her if she speaks out, that even she does not believe her own wounds. Because ultimately this scenario is all about Stage 6: maintaining control long enough to get what he wants before moving to the next victim.
He also maintains control via her silence, via her psychosexual injury, long after he is no longer physically there. He counts on the fact her sexuality has been used against her: that shame will keep her quiet.
In a longer-term abusive relationship, rather than the single encounter DoucheDom here refers to, maintaining control prevents the target from leaving the relationship.
Ways Forward:
If all of this sounds utterly terrifying for s-types, can I also say that it absolutely does not have to be this way. Though it *is* statistically likely that you will meet predators in the course of your life (one person in 30 being a socialised psychopath) It is neither inevitable that you will be preyed upon or continue to be preyed upon. If all this makes you believe that D/S relationships are more “dangerous” than vanilla ones, I have to say that—speaking as a Survivor—I have never been more confident or as happy as I am when I took the decision not to date “vanilla”. I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life, instead what I found was a man who passionately loves me, friends who get me, and peace, for the first time in a very long time. Navigating my D/S sexuality means I get choices, I get to discuss stuff openly, and I can keep myself safer than I could in vanillaland where we like to do things but not talk about them. Bear in mind that all of this can be applied in vanillalandia as well. Once you understand your sexuality and learn what predation looks like, you can take control of your own narrative and have firm foundations to build solid and happy D/S relationships. Good community is the best way, I believe, to do this: cultivate friendships and mentors among experienced subs and doms.
Study the real thing. The folks at the bank trained to spot forged banknotes don’t study fakes. They study the real thing, so they can spot the fake when it shows. Real consensual dominance is a million miles from DoucheDom and his psychological terrorism. To that end, I strongly recommend “The Heart of Dominance” by Anton Fulmen [9] as an excellent primer on what consensual erotic leadership is supposed to look like. Written as a guide for d-types, it’s also useful for us s-types as well, as is his [Consensual Dominance blog. [10] I think the thing that really strikes me about Fulmen’s writing is that he places consent at the absolute heart of dominance. As in not a “oh shit now I have to think about consent before we get to the good stuffs” but as an intrinsic quality of erotic leadership.
Consider who is around you at events and munches and in our online communities. I’ve been blessed with some scary sadomasochists in my life who have helped me navigate my journey and those folks exist there for you to. Find mentors—but note DoucheDom also appears as a lover/mentor introducing ‘fresh meat’ to the Scene. A mentor is not a lover. As with any skills-based pathway, you are best mentored by someone whom you are not fucking. Avoid drama, don’t leave your friends behind, use safe calls, generally practice situational awareness. These sorts of predators exist everywhere, but it’s important to remember that BDSM is largely underground and as such shame or fears of exposure keeps victims from contacting the authorities. Predators know this. Vet your dates. Interview them properly. Cultivate and value your friendships according to your ethics and values, but get rid of the toxic ones. Don’t be isolated. And be community-minded. Abuse thrives in cultures of silence, behind closed doors. Be a good friend. Watch for signs of isolation among your friends, and—while I know that exhibitionism is a thing for many—unless you know your partner really well, you might want to rethink the sexy photos or things that could be used to coerce, silence, blackmail or otherwise maintain control.
For d-types. If you’re not a predator, don’t act like one. Take the initiative and encourage your prospective sub to think about safety. Don’t ask her to call you Sir, Master or Daddy within five minutes of meeting her (remember escalation red flag), bring up safe calls and other safety matters before she does. If she has to bring it up, then she’s already enforcing boundaries to protect herself—from you. Don’t as her for pictures, personal details, home or work addresses. Place informed consent at the heart of every single interaction. Show yourself to be a safe, effective leader worthy of trust and capable of inspiring trust. If you’re reading this thinking “shit, being a sub sucks” make it your business to make sure that the expression and celebration of the s-type sexuality in your community is a positive thing and does *not* suck. Hold yourselves, and others, to high standards of behaviour. And for the love of the Virgin Mary, if you run events, host or organise them, get a consent policy with legs on it and boot the DoucheDoms from your number.
If you’ve been the target of predation, then you’ll have some stuff to work through. I recommend finding a kink-aware therapist for this. And I also recommend [this article][https://activesubmission.wordpress.com/2016/10/27/self-care-for-s-types/] on self-care for s-types written by a friend of mine.
One of the dangers of vanilla psychotherapy is that they might inadvertently blame your assault on your kinky sexuality, rather than marked predation that follows the pattern of grooming well recognised in “vanilla” land (eg cults, child grooming, domestic violence). If you’re American, the Society of Janus maintains a list of therapists. As far as I’m aware we’re under-served in the UK, but they might have additional contacts, and many American therapists can also work remotely over Skype or Email.
It’s difficult to describe the sort of long-term damage that can be done when your own sexuality is used to abuse you. Those negative thoughts, the voice of our internal place of shame, can buzz around in your head like a stuck record. I didn’t want it but he made me feel anyway. I should have been smarter. I should have seen what he was right away. I asked for it. I deserved it. It was my fault. I’m sick. If you’ve had this playing over in your mind after a sexual encounter or a relationship, I’m here to tell you right now:
You are not alone.
You are not sick.
You were targeted and groomed.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
You’ve been subjected to psychological torture techniques, and if you would forgive a soldier for breaking psychologically under prolonged interrogation and converting to Islamism or Communism, then forgive yourself. The military are trained to withstand psychological operations, and soldiers still break. You’ve had no training. Forgive yourself, and get help. It’s my view that people—especially submissive people—exiting abusive relationships or scenarios need similar exit counseling given to cult survivors or refugees who’ve been subjected to “enhanced interrogation.”
Chaps like our (completely fictional) DoucheDom above think they’re clever. They think that they have some superpower of getting s-types to do what they want. They write shitty little self congratulatory pieces in obscure corners of the internet for other monsters to drool over. And for the ones who need an audience for their genius and place subtle calls on the internet for fan clubs, their need for narcissistic supply allows us to analyse their actions. Really, they are quite ordinary predators, boring little men, who, once unmasked and recognised for what they are, cannot touch you.
Okay, this has taken up too much of your time, and mine. I hope this helps. Whether it does or doesn’t your comments would be appreciated below.
Copyright:
This article is released under the Creative Commons licience, which means you can republish and distributed as long you attribute.
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The promised footnotes:
(Edited to add, this article is from a cis, het female, sub perspective, and I HOPE it’s transferable in some way to other orientations).
[1] The Film Theorists. ‘Film Theory: Fifty Shades of Grey Cult Theory’. YouTube. June 16, 2015. Posted January 15, 2017. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VVyh_IM3Ik.
[2] ‘National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse’. Accessed January 15, 2017. http://www.naasca.org/2011-Articles/010911-6StagesOfGrooming.htm.
[4] ‘Shedding Light on Psychology’s Dark Triad’. 1991. Accessed January 15, 2017. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201301/shedding-light-psychology-s-dark-triad
[5] Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 2017. s.v ‘Gaslighting’. Accessed January 15, 2017. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting.
[6] Schwyzer, Hugo. ‘Dude, Don’t “Neg”.’ May 31, 2011. Accessed January 15, 2017. http://jezebel.com/5807100/dude-dont-neg.
[7] Thorn, Clarisse and Beautiful Disasters Photography. ‘Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser: Long Interviews with Hideous Men eBook: Clarisse Thorn, Beautiful Disasters Photography: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store’. 1996. Accessed January 15, 2017. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Confessions-Pickup-Artist-Chaser-Interviews-ebook/dp/B007I5HRQU.
[8]’BDSM: The Things You Need To Know’ ‘Two Kinds of Subspace’’. January 14, 2017. Accessed January 15, 2017. http://thejourneyofwill.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/two-kinds-of-subspace.html.
[9] Fulmen, Anton. ‘The Heart of Dominance: A Guide to Practicing Consensual Dominance – Kindle Edition by Anton Fulmen. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com’. 1996. Accessed January 15, 2017. https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Dominance-practicing-consensual-dominance-ebook/dp/B01F8C7L2Y.
[10]Fulmen, Anton. “Consensual Dominance: Theory and Practice for Doing It well” Accessed January 15, 2017. http://consensualdominance.net/?p=5.
[11] BDSM: Things you need to know. November 10, 2016. Accessed January 15, 2017. http://thejourneyofwill.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/how-to-interview-dommaster-prospect.html
